so it’s 10:30 pm and i’m lying here in the quiet in bed, with my candle and headphones in my ears. it’s my favourite part of the day, at night..and yours too.
a while ago, we’d still be talking right now. even later than this…much later. when there was only you, and only me and it felt like the whole world had just stopped for us
it scares me you know…how fast things change. it happens in the blink of an eye, and you can wake up one day and everything might be different to how it was last week..or even yesterday. that’s what i’ve come to realise now. and it breaks my heart. you have to make the most of everything, of everybody…before it all slips away. nothing stays the same, nothing lasts forever
feelings and lives and people can change like the weather
you were always hard to read. hard to figure out. you wouldn’t talk to me about your feelings, but when you did…i could feel the connection. between us i mean
when we talked for the very first time, and you were just a stranger to me, i would never have imagined you would become such a big part of me.
you’ve managed to fix me, save me and break me.
and i hate you. but then again i don’t. and i hate myself for that and many other things too…because i probably should
you don’t deserve anything from me anymore, and you didn’t a long time ago. i gave you everything, and i was there for you through shit and sometimes you acted like you didn’t even care
you’ve driven all over my heart…you’ve made me feel alive for the first time and full of feelings i can’t control…but you’ve also ripped it out and shoved it back in more times than i can count
i don’t know how many days i went through just waiting until i could get home…and talk to your face, or how many times you’ve been the reason for my smile…but i also don’t know how many nights i’ve spent crying into my pillow, feeling like the airs being squeezed from my lungs or days where i thought i’d lost you
cause i’ve lost you too many times. and all those times i’ve thought i’d never get you back again. but you’ve always come back. just not this time.
missing someone sucks. but missing you is even harder than loving you…i’ve never stopped
it’s an ache. that’s the best way i can describe it. just an ache deep down inside of me that still hasn’t gone away. no matter how hard i try, i can’t make it go away. and some days i don’t want it to. because it’s a reminder. a reminder to me that what we had was real. to me anyway. and it’s a reminder of how you touched me
i’m going to treasure yesterday, and all the yesterday’s before that, all our days…our memories that will forever be ours. all the dreams i ever had for you and me, like driving in your car late at night…not caring where we’d end up. just talking… I’d be happy, because i’d have you and you’d have me. and that’s all I ever would have needed…
i’m glad your happy…i guess. even though it really is the hardest thing in the world to watch you over there…even know it’s painful
i’m not saying goodbye. i hate goodbyes, i always have done and you know that. i’m just going my way now, and your going yours..but I’m not forgetting
i hope you haven’t forgotten either. don’t forget, please?
and i forgive you, and you know what for when i say that. for everything. i think i did a long time ago. i think i always forgave you, every time, i just didn’t realise it…like a lot of things i didn’t until too late